I need to improve my English

(taken 2019 at my home town)

English has become significant in my work communication and daily routine nowadays. However, I am not good at it. Some incidents have happened lately make me think it is time I have to commit more to improve my English. In this first journal, I will write about my feelings and some problems I have when I reflect on how I use this language as a second one. I feel sick of asking for help. I can not continue asking for support from friends. I even can not ask so much from my intimate partner, an English native speaker, and a professor. It is so humiliating when my helper said it took 3 hours to fix one page of my writing. Besides, it is also not healthy for any relationship when you have to depend on someone. They could do you some favors when they have time. However, they have their work to prioritize. Helping you should not put their work or their health in jeopardize. Even you are their favorite, working to several times on your texts, and encountering the same errors over and over again make them feel annoyed and fed up with you. It has taken me many years for me to be able to write and speak at this level. However, my English seems to get worse. I do not know very well how to improve it. Some online tips are as the following; reading, writing, learning more about grammar, and always checking my texts. It seems useful but not very clear. The main problem is how to place what I learn into practice. Although I could do well in grammar, I make a lot of mistakes when I use it. The second problem relates to my English is my speaking. It is not only about how I express my idea but many words I am not able to pronoun correctly. For instance, some consonant sounds are difficult to improve. Jobs, Jews, Jazz, chair, world sounds ridiculous whenever they come through my mouth. Moreover, after several years of stop reading and writing in academics as well as put more effort to learn, I start to forget how to write many words. Instead of remembering the words correctly, I merely retain only part of them. I completely forget many words. The most common problem I have realized lately is I tend to use some words and sentences. In short, I need to take my study in English seriously. I have to improve my English in many old and new ways until I acknowledge my improvement. I should be a more critical and critical learner and a strict teacher of my own. Recognizing my speaking and writing pattern is crucial to break my habit and to experiment with the new words and expressions. Although I may need more time and labor to improve my English comprehension than other learners, I think my effort will reward me someday. The best price is I can master this language and express myself verbally or in written form without any calling out for support. I can not wait for that day.