Some questions

(the painting of Toulouse-Lautrec. it is so true between me and my gay friends. We share bed. Never had any sexual desire but the conversations and intellectual and emotional connections are so much better than any thing I have ever had with straight guys. You are designed to be a sleeping buddy with us, sister. My friends laugh.Yep. I am).

It is lucky that you have a creative friend who is very critical at images and be able to say something that you cant. You would feel that you are very lucky. I am as I have several friends who are supportive but also critical. And most of the time, they are more critical than my mentor and when they say about your images, you just want to cry but you cant argue. I feel like I am a hopeless, crying baby.

Last night was so special because I spent sometime sitting and having tea at a corner street close to my house with one friend and had another one sleeping over. The second one gave me a lot of questions to think.

A bit of frustrating and defending, you tried to explain but then it was your friend who made you listen. Really listened and choose you want to take the advice or not. He said "I dont need you to explain, just listen some opinions". so impressive as he is gentle as fuck but also be able to make you shut your mouth. Then you realize that it was a valuable moment and lessons and it was wise to keep the mouth shut.

Because these questions are very important. What does photograph mean to you? What kind of art you want to make? What do you want the audience to engage with your photographs? Dont throw to the audience faces with a strong political statement. Before treating the subjects as political tools for you to throw your concepts and ideas and force audience to think about the messages you want them to read, what is your aesthetics? think about the frame and relationship of the subject with the background. what is about them you observe and you want to pull out and place in a frame? right now, your images are simple sentences. Do more work and make it complete sentences.

inspiring and conversations like that make me horrified.I would never could make arts as complete sentence. Could I?

I have so much doubts about myself. I am a simple person and I am terrible at controlling. Most of the time, I am very intuitive. not about making things but in almost of everything. How could I make more layers of meaning to each photograph I make? I dont want them as documentary.

I guess it is a journey. Maybe I would never go to the end. I might quit at some point but hell, not now.

another friend who calls himself OCD. He would be extremely bother by images that are not controlled and composed well. he took a lot of picture but just few single ones at a time. He observes well and could feel well. he said, he liked my photos when he looked the photos with me and listened to what I talked about the photos.

It is disappointing. I want my pictures speaking for themselves. Without me. It is a goal I want to reach.